When I was first called to adopt by the Lord, I have to admit, I was terrified. First off, I was unsure I was the right person for the job as I doubted I could even do this and, secondly, I was afraid of what Isaac's reaction would be when I told him.
After a short time, I worked up the nerve to bring up the message I had received from God to Isaac. I was not sure what he was going to say, but he surprised me with his reaction. Thank goodness he did not give me an absolute NO, but rather took things in and said he would pray about it and see if God would give him a sign that this is what we were supposed to be doing.
Months passed and every time I brought it up, Isaac would say, "I haven't heard anything." I began to question if I was actually really told this is what we were supposed to be doing, because I didn't understand why God would tell me, yet not my husband. How could this ever work or come to pass if we weren't on the same page? I fought with this for quite some time and asked for confirmation from the Lord, which he was faithful to give several times. Finally, I came to the realization that it was simply not God's timing and I would have to WAIT on the Lord for Isaac to be brought to the same page. A sweet friend even gave me this little sign to sit on my desk as a daily reminder that this is what God was asking me to do.
So I geared up for a long wait, thinking it might even be years before this mission would come to fruition. I began to pray for our daughter (I still only believed we would be getting one), but I still struggled with how this would all work. Isaac wasn't on board, I could not fathom how on Earth we would be able to come up with the money, and my mind whirled trying to conceive just how our family would function with another child. Finally, I thought I had it all figured out; how I would continue to work, homeschool the girls, and take care of this new little person. That said, I was still worrying a lot about how we were going to get her home.
I continued to pray that God would speak to Isaac's heart, but did not have any expectations that it would happen any time soon. However, God had other plans!
A friend of ours was holding an adoption fundraiser for another family adopting two little girls from China. I wanted to go because it sounded fun and I wanted to meet other families that were adopting and had adopted so that we could see what that looked like and ask questions. After going back and forth as to whether or not to go, we finally piled into the car, with two of the girl's friends in tow, and headed to the benefit dessert.
When we got there, a bunch of little ones were running around, some biological children, and others adopted from China. We started talking with families and Isaac ended up talking with the husband of the family that was gearing up to bring their girls home from China that following week for quite some time. After getting the girls loaded back into the car to head home, Isaac turned to me and said, "God wiped the fear about adopting from my heart tonight!" I was blown away and, although I had hoped seeing these families and the kiddos running around would help, I had no idea that God would use it to speak to Isaac! I, of course, began to cry. ;)
For weeks before that night, I had begun to notice a change in Isaac, although he continued to tell me that he had heard nothing. The most significant change was how he was praying and what he was praying for each night.
As we drove home, he teased that maybe we should just get two girls as well. I was adamant that I thought he was crazy and I could only handle one new baby at a time and that I had it all worked out. Two was too much and ridiculous! I still couldn't fathom how we were going to get enough money together for one, let alone two. Little did I know that God was speaking to Isaac about this before he let me in on the plan!
The next morning, I received a text from Isaac saying, I needed to figure out how to bring our daughters home! I was in shock. It was soooo unexpected that I found myself being the one unready to move. I had readied myself for the long winter of waiting; I had prepared my heart for hibernation on the matter! ;) God had said to wait and so I was waiting. I felt like a rug had been pulled out from under my feet and I began to panic a little. God, however, was faithful and calmed my heart, at least for a few days before the wind was knocked out of me yet again.
A few days later, during Sunday morning service, God once again spoke to my heart about our adoption. Unfortunately, part of it was a rebuke for me thinking this was about me and that I had any power over planning what this adoption would look like. God began to use a book I was going through at my Women's Bible study to paint a picture for me. He told me that this journey was not about me or my abilities, in fact, it had little to do with me, but rather everything to do with HIM. He told me that if I could not trust that he would provide for this one child that he would double the size of the mountain in front of me (I had been feeling like I was at the base of mountain (our adoption) looking up at a peak that I could not see the top of) and show me just how GREAT HE is and what HE is capable of doing. And thus, I was told we were going to be getting not one daughter, but two, from China!
Confirmation of this came a few days before Christmas at a church service in Longview that we had attended with one of Isaac's close friends. I was a bit bummed to have to miss out on Christmas service at our own church and was leery about attending another church. I figured it could not be as good as our own church and had no expectations of hearing from the Lord that day, but, again, he proved me wrong when both Isaac and I were moved about a lot of things including the fact that we were absolutely the parent's of two other daughters that simply had not come home yet!
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